High Lonesome Page 16

  “Don’t they call that the golden rule?”

  “Yes. I try to live my life by it, but it’s not an easy thing to do. I don’t mean to hurt anyone, but I’m sure I have. I’m human. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and I’m bound to make more. In fact, I haven’t been truthful with a person who deserves my honesty. But that’s going to change.” He held her gaze in an iron grip.

  She stared back with the kind of intensity that had become his trademark. There was no doubt in her mind that he meant his relationship with Joanna. But the last thing she wanted was for him to break up with Joanna because of her.

  Leaning back on her elbows, she felt it was best to change the subject. Glad he’d convinced her to come, she said, “This is the kind of lazy afternoon that’s good for doing nothing but enjoying the blue sky and warm sunshine. I bet you don’t take many days to relax like this. You’re such a hard worker.”

  “It takes hard work to keep a ranch solvent.”

  She removed her cowgirl hat and lay down on her back, cradling her neck in her clasped hands. “This was a wonderful idea. I’m so glad you suggested it. Could a day be any more perfect?” Closing her eyes, she welcomed the heat on her skin.

  He watched her from underneath the shaded brim of his Stetson, recalling the morning he came upon her on the road, disoriented and frightened. She looked like an angel then, and still did. Even more so, now that he’d gotten to know her. He lay on his side, leaned on one elbow, and stared. Her dark hair fell across her shoulders like a cascading waterfall, and her little heart-shaped mouth was pink and ripe for kissing.

  Spasms racked his gut. An odd mingling of joy and anxiety radiated through his body. Joy, because he was sure this was love he felt, and apprehension because of the fear he felt at regarding a future without her. He was not a man who feared anything, but it scared the hell out of him to imagine her leaving.

  When he’d held Maggie for the last time and felt the life drain from her body, he’d sworn there would never be another woman for him. He remained alone for a long time after her death— caring for his young child, the horses, the ranch, and then his dying father.

  Despite friends and family urging him to move on with life, he’d had no idea how to do that, when the one he was supposed to have spent his life with was gone. So he became content with the simplicities of a day-to-day routine. His wounded heart lay dormant within his chest.

  When Joanna divorced Buddy, she let Scott know she was interested. He’d been her high school crush, and they’d known each other all their lives. By that time, he’d made peace with his loss and felt more comfortable about trying to move on. It was a conscious decision to take a stab at dating.

  Having gone to medical school out of state, Joanna had developed into an independent, intelligent, mature, sophisticated woman, knowledgeable about things other than horses and ranches. Scott was attracted to those qualities. He also thought she would be a good role model for Willow. And she was even prettier as a mature woman than she’d been in high school.

  Maggie had been gone almost three years by that time, and three cowboys and an older Mexican cook had been raising Willow. His little girl was a tomboy and tougher than most of the boys her own age. Scott fretted often over her and her needs. He thought Joanna could be someone his daughter could turn to when he was clueless about womanly things.

  He gazed out over the lake and thought about how funny and strange life could be. The relationship with Joanna had not worked out the way he’d thought. Sure, she was attractive and sexy. There’d never been a question about their compatibility in that way. He was a young, virile man—not cut out to be a monk for the rest of his life—but the trouble was she’d changed since they were kids in school together. Buddy had tried to warn him, but Scott hadn’t listened. He’d been too focused on doing what he thought was right for his young daughter. He’d also had needs to satisfy, needs that he’d put on the back burner for several years. But he realized, in short time, that those needs went beyond the physical.

  Now, though it had taken a while, he knew he’d been going about it the wrong way. He wasn’t supposed to be looking for a mother for his little girl, or a familiar, trustworthy gal pal he could sleep with when it was convenient. He should have known when the time was right, he’d find the woman he was meant to fall in love with, the woman he’d recognize as his soul mate. If that happened, the rest of the pieces would fall into place.

  I’ve found her.

  His eyes roamed the beauty by his side. If I let myself love her, I’m going to get my heart broken, for sure and for certain. Watching her walk into another man’s arms would tear me up as bad as feeling Maggie’s lifeless body in mine. But if I don’t take the chance, how will I ever know if this is meant to be?

  Scott sighed loudly.

  Opening her eyes, Beth said, “What is it? Is something wrong?”

  “I need to tell you something.”

  She sat up and glanced around. “Have the horses escaped?”

  “No, it’s nothing like that.” He sat up, too. “Beth, I’ve been trying to fight this feeling, but I can’t do it anymore. It’s impossible. I know we could find out, any day now, that…that you belong to someone else.”

  She drew in short and steady breaths. Maybe she knew what he was about to say.

  He grasped her hands. “You’ve done something to me. We’ve only known each other a few short days, but it seems I’ve known you forever. I feel like my soul has found its mate. Do you understand?”

  Beth apparently couldn’t find her voice. Scott pressed his hand to her cheek and held it there. He wanted the warmth of his imprint to brand her. Drawing her close, he tilted her chin up. And she didn’t resist when his mouth came down over hers.

  Opening her lips with his tongue, he filled her with his breath, his heat. His fingers tangled themselves in her hair, and she reached around to cling to the hard muscles in his back. When she pressed against his chest, he could feel the rhythm of their two hearts pounding in time.

  Their lips parted and she stared at him with tears in her eyes. Whatever thorns he’d carried before, she’d removed them, and he’d bloomed in the power of love.

  “I don’t ever want to stop kissing her,” he said, molding his lips to hers again.

  When they finally parted, they stared into each other’s eyes, smiling. Then she kissed his eyelids, his nose, and the dimple in his chin.

  There was no need for more spoken words.

  Chapter Ten

  Scott held her face in his hands. The breath caught in his throat, and a wild yearning swelled inside. The feeling was all-consuming, like needing air to breathe.

  “I want all of you,” he whispered, stroking her face. “More than you can imagine. But I have to end it with Joanna first. And we have to find out who you are and whether you’re free. If you are, then we can be together. That is, if you feel the same way I do.”

  Her eyes were bright. “I do, Scott. I’ve been so afraid, trying to pretend there’s no connection between us, but it gets stronger every day. I know this has happened fast, but it feels so right. I thought it would be best for me to leave the ranch, but I couldn’t. I’m finding it harder and harder to deny my feelings for you.”

  “I sure was hoping it wasn’t one sided,” he grinned.

  They embraced again, and he caressed her hair and the back of her neck. “Beth, this is one of the happiest days of my life.”

  “Mine, too.”

  As the air began to cool and the sun was about to set, Scott reluctantly led her from their magical oasis. They mounted their horses and he set a good pace back to the High Lonesome with a soaring spirit. Their faithful horses carried them over creeks and across the mountains like the wind. It was near dinner by the time the barn came into view.

  In the barn, the two of them worked side by side in perfect harmony. As he unsaddled and brushed the horses, she tossed hay into the stalls and shook grain into the bowls. After she filled the tubs with water and h
e’d hung up the tack, they strolled to house together, hand in hand, and not taking their eyes off one another.

  Carmen stood outside the kitchen door clanging the dinner bell. Beth startled at the loud ringing and pulled away from Scott when she looked up at Carmen, but the housekeeper had to have seen them holding hands.

  “It’s about time you two show up,” Carmen said, not bothering to hide the joy from her voice. “I was starting to worry.” She urged them to step inside and eat.

  Scott displayed his dirty hands as they entered the kitchen. “I’ve got to wash up first. Sorry to keep you waiting, Carmen. We lost track of time.”

  “It’s no problem. I just set the table.” She winked at him and grinned. “Did you have a nice day?”

  “It was perfect,” he replied, sending an impassioned glance at Beth. “Where’s Willow?” he asked, glancing around.

  “Here I am!” She skipped into the room, ran to Beth, and squeezed her around the legs. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too, honey.” Beth returned the tight squeeze. “I hope you had a nice afternoon.”

  Scott joked, “What about me, squirt? Did you miss me, too?” Willow ran to himand flung herself into his accommodating arms.

  “Yes, Daddy. Did you have fun at the lake?”

  “Yep, we sure did.”

  “Did you catch any bullfrogs?”

  “No. We didn’t look for any.”

  “Did you see the butterflies?” She was bursting with energy and fired out the questions like a Tommy gun.

  “We saw thousands of them.”

  “Did the horses go swimming?”

  “No, but they just about drank all the water up.”

  “Did you go skinny dippin’?” Willow checked her dad’s reaction and then busted out laughing as he picked her up and plopped her on the counter.

  “No. Who told you about skinny dipping?”

  “Nobody.”

  “Does this nobody have a name?”

  “None of your bees wax.” Willow chortled.

  Carmen set a plate in front of the girl. “Willow, you’re ornery. Don’t be talking about skinny dipping. That’s not a proper subject for the dinner table. Ai yi yi,” she sighed. “She’s growing up too fast, Mr. Scott.”

  “You’re telling me. I’m going upstairs to wash and change my shirt. Be right back, ladies.” He winked at Beth.

  “If you don’t mind, Carmen, I need to clean up, too,” she said. “I’ll be just a minute, but you two go ahead and start.”

  Willow and Carmen took their seats at the island and poured hot sauce over their enchiladas as Beth hurried out of the kitchen.

  She breezed into the guest bedroom as if she were floating on air and stepped into the bathroom to wash her face and hands. Staring at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t believe how her life had taken such a dramatic turn in a few short days.

  Where do we go from here?

  There were no doubts about her feelings for Scott. And he’d made his intentions toward her clear. Taking a brush to her long hair, she could not stop smiling. What a relief it was when he told her he was ending it with Joanna. She hadn’t been completely sure where the two of them stood. No way would she be the cause of any friction or disagreements between them, but he’d assured her this afternoon that his relationship with Jo was over. It had been for some time. Beth’s heart had almost jumped out of her chest when she heard those words.

  Does he love me? He hadn’t said the actual words, but he’d told her his soul had found its mate. If that wasn’t an admission of love, she didn’t know what was. Everything was happening so fast. She grazed a finger over her lips and closed her eyes and conjured the memory of his passion and his fiery kisses.

  Have I ever been this happy before? She didn’t think so.

  Like the snap of a finger, a dull thud began to throb in her head. A picture flashed through her mind. In it, she saw that same tall, muscular man standing in the doorway. Yelling, arguing with a woman. Her? He raised his hand, and a shiny gold wedding band glistened on his finger.

  Beth blinked hard and the image vanished. She hung her head over the bathroom sink and retched, but her stomach was empty so nothing came up. Her body went numb, and she thought her legs might collapse beneath her. Mere moments ago she’d felt on top of the world. Now, reality shook her to the core of her being; the reality of what she’d feared and suspected.

  I am married to the man in my flashbacks.

  Splashing cold water in her face, she fought to gain her composure before going into the kitchen to face Scott, Carmen and Willow.

  As she tiptoed down the hallway in deep thought, voices interrupted her dream-like state. The familiar voices came from the front porch. She peeked out the window and saw Scott and Joanna standing on the steps, huddled close together. She’d parked the Audi Roadster in the drive. Why was she here, Beth wondered. Was Scott expecting her tonight?

  Knowing she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but unable to stop herself, Beth cupped her ear to the window. Their words came in muddled whispers. He must be telling her it’s over. She inhaled a deep breath in order to still her beating heart, which she feared they’d be able to hear straight through the glass pane. After several minutes, the conversation ended. Joanna didn’t appear upset or angry. Wouldn’t she show emotion if Scott had broken up with her? He said he was going to the first chance he got. Wasn’t this it?

  Beth watched Scott place his hand around Joanna’s waist and lead her to the Audi. She could no longer hear their voices, but she could see their mouths move. Scott opened the car door. Joanna spun and placed her hands on his cheeks, and pulled him to her. And they kissed.

  Beth’s jaw dropped. She turned away from the window and cradled her face in her hands. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes.

  When the screen door squeaked open a minute later, she remained motionless behind the wall so Scott wouldn’t hear her. Outside, Joanna’s car sped down the driveway. Beth waited until Scott strode down the hallway to the kitchen before letting out the breath she held.

  She barely spoke during dinner and kept her eyes averted from Scott throughout the meal. After such a wonderful afternoon, her heart now felt heavy as a stone. First, she felt like a fool for believing he cared for her when it was obvious he wasn’t over Joanna. Second, she was certain the flashbacks were more than dreams or hallucinations. They revealed the truth of her life. It cheered her soul to imagine herself as the mother of the little brunette girl, but the thought of being married to a cruel and abusive man made her sick.

  When she’d finished eating what little she could get down, she excused herself, claiming exhaustion. Scott excused himself as well and followed her down the hall to her room.

  “Beth.” He touched her shoulders.

  She spun and shrugged free from his touch.

  His face went blank. “What’s going on? You didn’t say a word all through dinner, and I get the impression you’re either angry or sad, or both. Are you feeling all right? Do you want to talk?”

  “No, I don’t want to talk,” she snapped. He jumped like he’d been slapped. “I’m just tired, Scott. I need to go to bed.” She turned again.

  “Wait a minute. I don’t understand. You’re acting so strange. This afternoon…”

  “This afternoon never should have happened,” she retorted.

  His mouth gaped, and a veil of silence fell between them.

  Her lips trembled. “I’m sorry, Scott. I’ve realized this will never work. It’s crazy to think it would. You know nothing about me. I know nothing about me. You have a life, and I don’t belong in it.”

  Scott reached for her. “Don’t say that. You do belong here, with me. My life is nothing without you.”

  She refused his touch. “Please, don’t say another word. I don’t want to hear anything else. I think it’s better if I leave the ranch. In fact, I’ve made up my mind. Tomorrow I’ll arrange for a room at the motel in town.”

  His brows drew together. “Be
th, this is ridiculous. Talk to me,” he pleaded. “Tell me what’s changed in the past hour.”

  She pursed her lips and blurted, “What’s changed is that I’m married and I have a child.”

  He stepped back, as if she’d shot him. “How do you know that for sure? Has your memory returned?”

  “I remember enough. It shouldn’t come as a surprise. It’s what I’ve suspected. I truly appreciate all you’ve done for me. I’ll pay you back somehow. My leaving will be best for both of us.”

  He plowed a hand through his hair and looked down at the floor. When he raised his pained gaze to her again, he asked, “How’s your leaving going to help? What about the things we said to each other this afternoon?”

  She ignored the questions. “Don’t try to change my mind, Scott. It’s set. I’ll ask Cody to drive me to town tomorrow morning, if you don’t mind giving him the time off to do so. I’ll say goodbye to you now.” She offered her hand to shake, but he didn’t take it. So she closed the guest room door behind her.

  Standing on the other side of the door, she held in sobs waiting for what seemed like ages until she finally heard his footsteps move down the hall. Throwing herself onto the bed face down, the confusing emotions of the past few days bubbled to the surface like an erupting volcano. The pillowcase grew damp as she silently cried until there were no more tears left.

  Chapter Eleven

  Sunday morning, Beth heard the jangle of Cody’s spurs before she saw him. He moseyed through the kitchen door and said, “Howdy.”

  She was huddled over cold eggs and ham wearing a green western plaid shirt, jeans and her cowboy boots. “Hi, Cody. Could I talk to you a minute?” She was ready to ask him to take her to town, but she hadn’t yet told Carmen or Willow she was leaving, and had been trying to figure out the best way to bring it up. Willow was still in bed, but Carmen had been staring at her for the past ten minutes.